AN ENTREPRENEUR WHO SHARES HER JOURNEY OF UNBURYING HER FEELINGS TO FINDING SELF-LOVE
On choosing a career that resonates with her:
"Early on in my career, I had to decide whether I was going to continue doing what I thought I was supposed to do (be a lawyer) or do something that actually resonated with my spirit. I wasn’t sure exactly what my alternative career was going to be, so leaving a safe, certain career for an uncertain future was definitely the biggest transition I ever had to make.
I decided on my alternative career by doing, by leaning into the things I was already doing for free and seeing how I could leverage those talents and passions to provide services that people would want to pay for. The transition took time and a lot of hard work. Once you leave a corporate environment, you lose the benefits of structure, resources, teammates. It was up to me to be everything and everyone: the worker, the manager, the marketer, the sales team. Over time, I’ve learned to delegate, to prioritize, to set boundaries, to set goals. It still takes its toll - the uncertainty and lack of support - but it’s worth it.
"I decided on my alternative career by doing... seeing how I could leverage those talents and passions to provide services that people would want to pay for."
Since then, I’ve written and published a book, The Agency, Hollywood Talent, CIA Managed, and founded two businesses, Write In Color, a career development company, and Fred and Far, a Self Love Movement powered by the Self Love Pinky Ring. Every day I do meaningful work that aligns with my greatest skills and passions, which means my career isn’t a burden: it’s a gift."
ON EXPLORING THE UNKNOWN:
"I’ve spent most of my life living in Los Angeles, following a very consistent routine. I’m definitely a creature of habit. When I met my husband, who is from Alaska, he invited me to step outside of my comfort zone by exploring new activities (i.e. going surfing for the first time) and also by challenging ideas and conventions I had taken for granted my whole life. His presence has definitely transformed me, and my life experience, for the better, and I really enjoy watching him do the same for our daughters. He inspires me to see and experience life in a new way on a daily basis. I think it’s important to surround ourselves with people who invite us to explore outside of our comfort zones."
"I think it's important to surround ourselves with people who invite us to explore outside of our comfort zones."
ON LEARNING TO unbury HER FEELINGS TO START HEALING:
"Sharing my feelings, in real time, with someone who has, usually unintentionally, hurt or made me uncomfortable, is when I feel most vulnerable. I grew up burying my feelings instead of expressing them, so sharing how I feel is a completely new experience. It makes me feel exposed and makes me question the validity of my own feelings. I can be my own harshest critic, especially when I’m being vulnerable. And still, I do it, because when I wasn’t sharing my feelings, it was taking a tremendous toll on me, mentally, emotionally, and even physically.
"SHARING MY FEELINGS, IN REAL TIME, WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS, USUALLY UNINTENTIONALLY, HURT ME OR MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE, IS WHEN I FEEL MOST VULNERABLE."
A health scare is what it took for me to realize that not being vulnerable was hurting me in a serious, tangible, and very scary way. I was diagnosed with a large thyroid nodule during a routine annual exam, which is a growth on my thyroid. For about two weeks, while I underwent ultrasounds and biopsies, we didn’t know if it was cancerous or not. In exploring what would cause this kind of ailment (from a metaphysical perspective), I learned that it had everything to do with not sharing/feeling your feelings and carrying the feelings of others. When I got the news that it wasn’t cancer, I made two commitments: 1) to set boundaries with friends and family members whose feelings I was absorbing and carrying; and 2) to work with a therapist to explore my feelings, so that I could start feeling them in real time instead of burying them in my body."
"A HEALTH SCARE IS WHAT IT TOOK FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT NOT BEING VULNERABLE WAS HURTING ME IN A SERIOUS, TANGIBLE, AND VERY SCARY WAY."
ON DEALING WITH THE SETBACKS OF BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR:
"When I first launched Fred and Far, I did so with the support and partnership of my best friend (the Far in Fred and Far). This past year, we separated as business partners. That was a setback, both personally and professionally and required a complete recalibration of my role in the business and as a friend. I’ve learned that the best thing anyone can do in a relationship is authentically share his or her position, so that the relationship is driven not by assumptions but by facts. By being honest with each other about our needs, feelings and thoughts, we did a spectacular job of navigating a complex situation.
"As an entrepreneur, every day, week and month includes falls, big and small... I think remaining positive and driven, despite the daily setbacks, is the hardest part."
As an entrepreneur, every day, week and month includes falls, big and small. There isn’t a singular event I could point to as the toughest one. I think remaining positive and driven, despite the daily setbacks, is the hardest part. What I’ve learned is that most setbacks reveal opportunities for growth, and as long as I take time to evaluate what happened and learn, I can make better, smarter decisions moving forward. I embrace failure as a sign of life. If I’m failing, it means I’m trying, and if I’m trying, that means I’m making progress."
"WHAT I'VE LEARNED IS THAT MOST SETBACKS REVEAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH, AND AS LONG AS I TAKE TIME TO EVALUATE WHAT HAPPENED AND LEARN, I CAN MAKE BETTER, SMARTER DECISIONS MOVING FORWARD."
ON BRAVING UNCERTAINTY:
"I function by focusing on the moment I am in. When I pause to think big picture, sometimes I can get overwhelmed by the uncertainty of everything around me. I’m currently running two businesses, have two kids, and am expecting my third in April. I have absolutely no idea what the future will look like in either my personal or professional life. This lack of certainty, coupled with the lack of security (because who isn’t worried about having the time and finances to take care of their family these days), used to bury me. I’ve now trained myself to think about uncertainty as opportunity. I look to the past as a reminder that I’ve been faced with challenges before and have persevered, and I also challenge myself to be curious about the future without being dependent on a specific outcome. Ultimately, I’ve learned to believe in myself, from a place of wholeness and love."
"I've now trained myself to think about uncertainty as opportunity."
On fighting the shame of not being enough:
"Shame was a big part of the equation for me when I was growing up. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t fulfilling what I perceived to be my fullest potential. I felt ashamed that I was boy crazy, and then later in life felt ashamed that I wasn’t boy crazy enough. I felt ashamed that I didn’t look or feel about myself the way I thought I was supposed to. Being the Type A perfectionist that I am who imposes impossible standards on myself, when I would get an A- in school, I would wonder if I could have earned an A, if I had studied more in advance. Anytime I excelled, I beat myself up for not putting in more effort, so that I could have achieved an even better result.
"Today, I've recalibrated myself to see what is there, instead of what is missing."
Today, I’ve recalibrated myself to see what is there, instead of what is missing. When I see the B+, I see the B+, not the missing A. When I see that I’m a size 10, I see my healthy body, not the missing size 4 of my twenties. Gratitude is about appreciating and claiming what is right in front of you, instead of feeling guilty or shameful about what is not. And in starting Fred and Far, I made a commitment to myself to banish shame and guilt from my system. Both are simply unnecessary weight we allow ourselves and society to impose on us. Instead of feeling shame, I practice gratitude. I am grateful for myself, all of myself, not just the pretty, easy parts. I am grateful for my work, not just the pretty, easy parts. I’m grateful for my friends and family. I am grateful for the moment I am in. I am grateful to be writing this for you to read."
ON WHAT SHE WISHED SHE HAD LEARNED SOONER:
"I wish I had learned sooner not to feel shame or guilt - ever. I wish I had learned sooner to love myself. I wish I had learned sooner that I am enough. I wish I had learned sooner to ask for help and to accept what is offered as it is offered. I wish I had learned sooner that my body is sacred and beautiful. I wish I had learned sooner that it’s okay to feel and talk about my feelings. I wish I had learned sooner that I get to decide my thoughts."