For those of you thinking this is about sex, think not. This is about defining emotional intimacy, which, by the way, is not an easy task. Somehow language is quite limiting when it comes to describing emotions, which have a whole other non-spoken language of their own.
I like to define intimacy as that look that you share with your friend or partner across a crowded room of people unaware of the alchemy that is unraveling before them. It is that look of understanding, of simply knowing what the other is thinking without a gesture or pronounced word that leaves you feeling secure, safe and with a deep sense of belonging. Sure, we are seen by many throughout the day, as we cross the street, as we speak about various topics over lunch or dinner with friends, as we participate in work meetings… But to be seen, to be really seen for who we are, with our hearts exposed, not many can claim to have that with too many people. But when it happens, when that look takes place, that is when you know you are experiencing true intimacy.
But you have to allow for it to happen in the first place. Like most of us, you’ve probably been hurt before, felt betrayed, abandoned, crushed… and ever since, you have trained your heart to protect itself from getting hurt again. But by closing yourself off out of fear of getting hurt and out of fear of disconnection, sure, you may never get hurt again, but the higher risk, is to never truly feel again.
So what’s the antidote? Open your heart to allow connection to happen, knowing there’s a risk that it may not.
By Charlotte Haimes